Mind Traps: How to recognize them and break free!

Happy New Year and welcome back to week #4 of Keystone’s weekly wellness blogs!

After a (hopefully) restful and rejuvenating winter break, we’re moving back into reality slowly but surely. For a lot of us, the end of the academic year can seem miles away and, as life goes, there might be many ups and downs along the way there. To start us off and make our journey to the end of the school year easier with some helpful skills and new knowledge, I’ve decided to cover the topic of mind traps. Mind traps are irrational or negative patterns of thinking which fall under many different names: thinking errors, negative automatic thoughts, unhelpful thoughts, stinkin’ thinkin’ (not joking) and cognitive distortions.

Ultimately, mind traps are a part of being human – we’ve all fallen into a mind trap, even at least on occasion. Sometimes though, we can get stuck in the thoughts and spiral, making it increasingly difficult to think clearly and rationally (hence why I think the best term is mind trap).

Let’s get into some common examples and how to manage them…

Catastrophizing

Catastrophizing can have our minds turn a small problem or setback into what feels like the end of the world. You know that voice in your head that turns that little hiccup into a full-blown catastrophe? Yeah…that is catastrophizing in action! This mind trap pushes people to fixate on the worst-case scenario and really makes you believe it to be true, even when it is likely not. An example scenario can look like this: Your boss asked to speak with you privately at work, your heart starts to race and the catastrophic thought may be: “I’m going to get fired.”

Here are some questions we could ask ourselves to challenge this mind trap:

– Is this thought based on facts and evidence?

– What would most likely happen based on evidence?

– Have you been in this situation before? How did it turn out?

– What would be an alternative, more positive outcome?

– In the meantime, how can I put my mind at ease?

“Should” Statements

Should statements act almost as little rulebooks we create for ourselves, telling us how we (or other people) must behave. It’s that “I should do this” or “they should do that” kind of thinking. This kind of statement creates invisible expectations for ourselves and others, and could lead to feelings of guilt and stress over something we have or haven’t done. The way we think plays a huge role in how we feel, and negative thinking such as “should” statements only lead to putting more strain on ourselves. An example of this may sound like: “He says he wants to be healthy, so he should go to the gym four times a week,” or “I should be farther along in my independent course than I am.” Although these statements might sound mild, they lead to a slippery slope of patterned negative thinking and shame. You may not even realize how often you say these things to yourself, so practice saying them out loud. You’ll see you do it more often than you think.

So, how do we reframe this? Firstly, we have to accept that it’s okay if this way of thinking sticks around or keeps showing up; it’s really difficult to break thinking habits. When you notice these statements coming up, write them down and see what it is saying about yourself and what emotions are associated. Reflect on why you are putting this pressure on yourself. Once you have a better understanding, use realistic and positive language to reframe the sentence. Going from “I should be farther along in my independent course”, to “I would like to spend more time working on my independent course so that I can be more caught up on assignments.” Huge difference!

Mind Reading

Although it may sound like a cool superpower to have, people do not have the ability to read other people’s minds – and yet, we seem to think we can do it anyways. In this context, mind reading refers to the belief that you know what others are thinking without much evidence to support it. It’s very common in interpersonal relationships like with friends, family, romantic relationships, coworkers and so on. Of course it is possible to pick up on cues that may help you to understand other people’s moods, but it is not a foolproof strategy and assuming without asking can lead to harmful miscommunication. Some common examples of this may look like this: you hear a group of people laughing behind you, and you instantly assume they are laughing at you. Another example would be you sending a message to a friend and waiting a while for a response, automatically assuming they are upset with you.

The first and most important thing to remember that will help you out of this pattern of thinking is that you don’t know everything and you definitely can’t know everything someone is thinking. Pretty straightforward right? Being self-aware of that fact helps you to become a more empathetic person. Communication is everything in relationships and you simply won’t be able to know something for sure until you ask! Don’t be afraid to ask questions, ask for clarification and be receptive when listening. This will help you to make sure you’re on the same page and will strengthen your future relationships.

Black-and-White Thinking

You may have heard the phrase “nothing is ever black or white,” and it holds a lot of truth, especially thinking about how complex people, relationships, emotions and the world as a whole are. Black and white thinking is a term that is used when people think in absolutes. This means a situation is viewed as either good or bad, right or wrong and there is no inbetween; as you may have noticed, the world doesn’t necessarily work in those ways. Frequently we hear the words “always” or “never” in this mind trap. Here are some examples: “If I don’t pass this test, I’ll never get into university,” or “If my friend doesn’t always agree with me, then they must not be my friend.” Some examples, of course, can be more extreme than others but it is a very common mind trap.

This way of thinking can be unlearned, and the biggest shift to make is switching over to a “growth mindset”. Growth mindsets allows us to give ourselves some grace and leave room for flexibility and change. Challenge yourself to avoid using those extreme words, like “always” and “never.” It’s also important to keep in mind that change is constant in life and accepting the fluidity and complexity of the world will make things easier to manage. We have to get comfortable seeing all the different shades of grey between black and white!

Experiencing mind traps does not make you weak – instead, it is a shared human experience…no shame in it! We all struggle with these thought patterns, from the exaggerated, the extremes and the absolutes, at various points in our lives. This week’s blog isn’t about how to get rid of negative thoughts (although I wish I could say there was a way how), but becoming experts on how our thoughts operate, and ultimately how to deal with them. Understanding and recognizing these thought patterns when they come up is a crucial step in having a healthier mentality on life and gives us the ability to be more empathetic to ourselves and others. Remember, the mind is adaptable and more than capable of transformation. So, as we navigate through the last half of the school year, let’s approach each mind trap as an opportunity to untangle them and learn more about ourselves.

I didn’t cover all of them, so if you want to know more examples of different mind traps and more strategies on how to untangle them, click this link!